At the airport: Ready to go away with my boyfriend for the week when I was looking for a new and exciting book to read. My hands were already occupied with 3 other books when I walked passed this Untrue. I immediately put down all the other books. The title was so catchy. The literal title of the Dutch book release is ‘’Women do not cheat’’, which caught my attention.
My boyfriend looked disapointed, this was suppose to be a holiday to sit back and relax with a novel. This book would probably transform me into that angry feminist that I aim to be every now and then.
But this did not happen. The transformation that I have gone through reading this book has actually brought me to a less angry state of feminism. I am now transformed in a more content version of myselfienism I would say. I will explain you why.
Female infidelity is something that fascinates us since human history. Like she is a wild and exotic animal. Gossip, magazines, Instagram, Greek myths, burlesque and even the newest Netflix series. Why is she so fascinating to us, and why is her sexuality still so fascinating? Especially in the 20th century where we are getting more and more open about our sexuality and needs. We all know that men aren’t hunting for purity anymore. So why are women still ashamed of their sexual needs/feelings?
Wednesday has interviewed a lot of women about their sexuality and most of them explain that they think of themselves as weirdos, bad human beings since they have this big libido and they think of other men sometimes while they have a husband. While reading this, a smile appears on my face. If more women will read this book (and hopefully men as well) we will not think of ourselves as weirdos anymore.
When we recognize we are no weirdos I believe that it would only make us more comfortable in our relationships. Monogamous or not, when we experience our sexual feelings and needs as ‘’being normal symptoms’’ and not ‘’being crazy symptoms’’ we will not give these feelings as much attention anymore. It will not become this big thing full of negative judgement in our heads.
Wednesday shows that you can still have these feeling and still be in a happy monogamous relationship, but she also approaches polygamy and tells us all the pro and cons that came out of researches. Miss Martin not only researches female sexuality but also sexuality in general. She digs into this topic and she does it with flair and care!
I like how she explains that it is not men that have a higher libido, but men have different libido. This is the easy way of how I understood her explanation about it:
Men have a higher Spontanious Libido. Which means they could just randomly think of a pizza and then think… ‘’Mmm I need a pizza’’. Women have a higher Responsive Libido. Which means they need to see the pizza first and then they would think ‘’Mmm that pizza looks tasty, I would like to have a bite of that. That would satisfy me so badly’’Wednesday Martin
It is not that men have more sexual feelings, they just have different ones, Wednesday writes about this in such a fun way.
The title might put you on the wrong foot, I know it has put me on the wrong foot. I thought Wednesday was going to take me on a journey of acknowledging female sexuality and fighting to not be ashamed of it anymore. (Which also happened) something else happened to. Wednesday takes you way way way back in history and shows with several researches the origin of why female sexuality got caged in society in the first place. Long story short:
She goes all the way back to the society of hunters and gatherers where life was literally about ‘’Sharing is caring’’. Where we lived in groups, where we shared our food because if you wouldn’t share, some would die, which meant your group would become smaller, less hunters, less food, less chance on survival. Also sharing sexual partners was absolutely normal we were groups we weren’t couples. It didn’t matter who impregnated who, pregnant means the group would grow which meant survival.
This changed when we became farmers when sharing faded away. It changed into a ‘’My land, my cow, my wife’’ mentality. These history parts of the books made so much clearer how we got to where we are now. It makes sense. But it also shows that we are passed that farmer phase and all the current difficult phases and we should all start feeling sexy and embrace that feeling!
Untrue Is a must read to me!I have no doubt that by the end of the book you’ve already grabbed your boyfriends arm at least 25 times to ask him: ‘’Did you know this!?’’ and you’ve texted your bestie at least 90 times to tell her that she has to read this book.